Our final guest this afternoon is an award winning actress and single mother, who also is a breast cancer survivor. She portrayed tough as nails characters in the wildly successful TV show The Sopranos and Nurse Jackie and overcame her own real life battle for survival. To share her journey, please welcome Edie Falco with Arianna Huffington. [ APPLAUSE ] [ MUSIC ] Edie, thank you so much for being here to actually close These two days what a better there's no better way than having you here. I'm happy to be here. Beyond everything that you've done you have actually won a best actress Emmy for both drama and comedy. So I think we're going to cover everything in our conversation. We'll we have 20 legs. Drama and comedy, yes. [ LAUGH ] Why don't we start with drama? Since this is a health conference, and you're a cancer survivor Why don't we go back to that day in 2003? When you got your cancer diagnosis and you went straight back to work. Yeah, [ LAUGH ] yeah, that was a rough one. Let's see, I had the biopsy in the morning and was told that day That they had found cancer. And I remember I had to be at work at 1: 00. And you go into some hyper- reality with the way you remember things during times like that, is not like anything else. So it was very, I remember exactly what scene we shot and wanting to say what was going on, but also knowing I wasn't gonna tell anybody. So it was surreal And, then the first big decision you made and, after you went into remission a year later was to adopt the child [ LAUGH ] Which is what every cancer survivor does, right? What made you decide that? At that particular moment? Well, it's the fact that I was a cancer survivor That's what it was that previous to being diagnosed. I guess I never really thought I would have kids but I had been in a number of relationships that looked like that where we were really headed and then the cancer thing kicked in and I was single. Once I realized I wasn't gonna die from it, it really was like a light on like I have to do this now, I got to get on this. So I'd known [ UNKNOWN ] who told me, if you wanna adopt, let me know, I'll tell you how to do it and that's how it all started. So [ UNKNOWN ] love that because it's like saying this is important to me, and I'm not going to wait to have the perfect man in my life, or to have a bigger house, or anything. It was just time. And so you now have two children, 14 and 11. Right. And backstage in the green room, I heard you Talk to them because you are flying back to New York to be with them and saying to them, no I'm not bringing you anything this time. [ LAUGH ] You brought us a present, right? [ LAUGH ] Emily, no very cute. I identify So another anniversary that you celebrated last weekend was sobriety 27- years? Yeah. So you see drama and comedy so what was that [ UNKNOWN ] That was comedy product. What does that journey like? I gone to college for the bunch of alcoholics, really. [ LAUGH ] But a bunch of actors, and it was a lot of partying, and it was all fun and game. But then when we all left college, some of us were not able to Put it away. And I come from a long line of addicts and my family and became clear pretty quickly that this was already had grabbed me, had a hold on me. And a lot of my friends got sober first, they were showing me without showing me, they were showing me a different life. Without alcohol and they kinda walked me through it in the early days and now most of my very closest friends are sober people. And your ritual is to go to AA on your anniversary? Yeah But whether the rituals have sustained you Well, going to AA for a long time was very important to me. And that's shifted for me over the years. I bet you it would be great to go back. But I have other things. I'm in therapy. I've been in therapy for a very long time. Huge part of my life, huge help to me on many levels. But I'm also a Buddhist. Where meditation's a big part of my life, and the rituals and the prayers that we have in the classes that I take. Very very meaningful. We appear to be a species where ritual has some meaning and importance or I will speak for myself that I do So it's interesting because a Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat H ��� nh, said something very meaningful about a growing addiction to technology, which we've been talking about this afternoon. He said it has never been easier to run away from ourselves. So sure. And so in a sense, by creating these rituals you stay connected with yourself and what has meaning for you. I'm so glad I was born when I was, because we didn't have the option of finding these other ways to disappear. My kids were born with I something in their hand. That's all they know. Making eye contact feels like they're Something realises another human in the room .>> So how do you feel about that as a parent ?>> I am of many minds about it. I could be one of these people with which my kids dont have TV they dont have any. You know what they are growing up in culture where everybody has them and. They do their homework on iPADs at school and there are class assignments around them and all communications take place. I dont know but as I was saying to you before I can't ask my elders, how did it go when I was a kid? I got away from all that technology. We just We're trying to find our way, me and all the parent groups at my kid's school. Talking about it all the time, try to set limits. Then they have this thing where you can guide what they states, it's very, very hard. It's basically the way I'm saying, it's hard and it's complicated. And it's hard for us too because you are in a profession where your energy Is regularly summoned to meet somewhere to perform on somebody else schedule. So how do you recharge yourself? Well the biggest thing is it still shocks me that I get to do what I get to do for a living because it's something I cherish. I just I love it and I feel like every day feels like a beginner cuz there's so many new things to learn about what I do. So I think the fact that I love this what I have to do to be there and perform it seems irrelevant, because I know how many people I love actor friends of mine who aren't working who are going through a rough time. People who will spend years and years in this business and just have a code break. I am the luckiest of the luckiest I am also little, I'm a nerd. I'm very good employee. So like I would show up on those I'm un prepared and I have a really, really good life. What you said reminds me of something you said in an interview, how gratitude is a regular practice for you and you never take things for granted. I mean, in AA they talk about an attitude of gratitude. And back when I was first hearing these things, you know, I was rolling my eyes cuz that didn't rhyme, didn't [ UNKNOWN ] It was making me nuts, but [ LAUGH ] And it was also I felt like something I had to work at. It was not where my brain went. I was raised by a certain type of individuals we're New Yorkers and the Italians from Brooklyn. It's like we don't walk around I'm so grateful. [ LAUGH ] [ LAUGH ] But. [ LAUGH ] For whatever reason through therapy but mostly I would than a and Buddhism, that you have a choice as to how you want to face each day and someplace along the line very organically. I wake up and I can't believe First of all, I survived cancer for heaven's sake you know and how many women I know my age that were diagnosed with cancer came to me knowing I'd been through it and I said. Listen, go and do whatever [ UNKNOWN ] you're supposed to do. One day, the day will come when you won't ever think about it, and they all died. Those women did not make it through, they have not had the same journey as me. I'm sitting here on the stage in San Diego, how could you not be grateful? I would imagine it would take energy to find something other than that So it's kind of interesting because these, everything your saying is really ancient wisdom. But it's validated by modern science. We had a panel this afternoon with professor Ryan Williams whose done a lot of research On the depressed and anxious brain, and how one of the pathways that leads you to depression or anxiety is negative bias. And in a sense gratitude, even though we can roll our eyes and say gratitude, is actually an intervention to stop negative bias, to stop you becoming depressed about your life. And sometimes it really is by the numbers People were given tasks such as before you go to bed, you make a list of five things you are grateful for. And again, you kinda kicking screen but after a while, it becomes habit and it's a place your brain goes to more habitually. So let's talk about the few of the possible recharging tools that we can now learn from What about your sleep? I was always ashamed of the fact that I needed a certain amount of sleep. And I'm a morning person, I'm really not a night person, and I go to bed early. I have kids who go to school, I'm up with them. And You know I'm in bed really early and I no longer make fun of myself because I need to get enough sleep again science validates you. Thank goodness, I love the story of when your son jump into bed with you when you're sleep deprived and what you did, you know. But yeah, when they were little, now you can you can't wake them up, it's time for school and you can't get them out of bed, but used to be they were up as soon the sun came up, I, [ UNKNOWN ] My son is so beautiful, he is such a handsome little boy, laying down and his little head came up to my head, I mean that's how Lily was. [ LAUGH ] I said I think I said if you don't go back to bed I'm gonna throw you downstairs I think that's what I said. [ LAUGH ] I know that he left [ LAUGH ] And when I woke up I thought no I didn't no did I really say that ?>> [ LAUGH ] And went and apologize to him and get it we've gotten through that [ UNKNOWN ] too many others After 20 years of therapy, he will deal with it. That seems right. He's already about six years in, so. So you don't do social media, which is rare for an incredibly successful actor like you. Tell us why. I just never did. I don't know, it's not I'm not, I don't think I'm addicted to my phone, only in so far as being single mom with two kids and needing to know where they are and all that stuff but I had a lot of practice being a person before those phones came along. So, I watch my daughter, she's growing up with all the same things every mothers talked about who has a daughter coming of age and it's time of the The the apps that fix the way you look and all this stuff and I don't believe that anything I've ever gotten in my life was as a result of the way I look or the way I presented myself to someone. And I feel like if I start to do social media, that maybe I'm not That i start to believe otherwise. I don't know maybe it doesn't make sense. I'm lazy that's what it is really. [ LAUGH ] I think it makes a lot of sense. How you write about it because as we are facing the crisis of young girls pre teen and teen Committing suicide in unprecedented numbers, depressed and anxious. Social media is playing a huge role, which is exactly what you said. The comparisons, how you look, what party you haven't been invited to. Yeah, it's It is very troubling and I remember being a teenager or a preteen like this very little, I'm gonna say to my daughter, well she'll be like gosh mom, thank you, I didn't think of that. [ LAUGH ] [ UNKNOWN ] [ LAUGH ] And she's not listening, it's like [ UNKNOWN ], so I do what I can to try to tell her my thoughts about this. Would have been gentle knowing she's gonna go through this the way she goes through it and tell her that you're beautiful and you're beautiful without makeup. And no, I'm not bringing you a present home. [ LAUGH ] So Lets us end on the afterlife. Don't you think that's a good thing all day am rich to end i have health confirms. So, you've said how being a Buddhist being a Buddhist has actually had to Manage your whole life. And one of the reasons is that I believe in the after life is part of Buddhism. And so it's given you more of a piece of mind, tell us more. Well, I'm 25 years into my studies of Buddhism and I'm still scartching the surface. It's really a fascinating Philosophy really based in science. But one of the things that you are taught. And I really struggled with for a long time. Is the idea that consciousness is ongoing since beginningless time. It will continue on long after this body is dead. And I didn't discipline myself to believe it. But over the years, It just makes more sense than anything I've ever heard. And something else I also have come to realized is everything that we believe at some point in our lives, we made a decision to believe that whether not we know it, whether or not it was conscious. Our parents said That family over there is me, and so [ UNKNOWN ] that family is me. And that just became part of your belief system but at some point, it was a decision. I have however, unconsciously, decided to believe in the idea of an ongoing consciousness. And as a result of the decision I made My life has changed for the better. Is it true? Can anyone say for sure that they know? I don't know that I can answer that but because of the beliefs that I have, the quality of my day to day life is better. I completely understand that because And as The Onion headline put it recently, death rate holds steady at 100 %. [ LAUGH ] We're all headed out. This may change after this conference but. [ LAUGH ] Given that that's the case it makes a big difference in terms of putting problems in perspective. Totally. In terms of how we Approach everything in our lives. And the idea of yeah, you just do whatever you want and go crazy cuz you're all gonna die in the end, but then you're born again. [ LAUGH ] And you got to deal with the mess you made, you know what I mean? Psychicly that imagine, if you're aiming towards something higher Like how would you behave differently today? And it's actually connected with the big conversation we've had here about AI and machine learning and data. And as they become more and more dominant, the one thing that we humans uniquely have Our ability to be compassionate and pathetic, and all the things that machines are never going to be. Right They may be more intelligent than we are but they are not gonna be more loving that we are. Right, I'm a little concerned about Pixar movies though I have to say. You are? Well, they're gonna put me in business, I have no doubt. [ LAUGH ] My children love them like cars and any of those Pixar movies are so They have so specifically and fastidiously been able to match the expressions of a human going through sadness. Let's say like the little eye movements and like a little dot of what looks like their eyes swelling up. And you're right, I mean the audience as a grown woman crying At a car who's upset because [ UNKNOWN ] run out of gas or whatever it is. [ LAUGH ] They gotten really, really good. I mean I don't, but this is based on the experienced of a living, breathing compassionate human. Right. But it's not a human on the screen, so it's complicated stuff It's complicated, but we want to end on an optimistic- Yes, but there will always be commercials. And also, there will always be a [ UNKNOWN ] bringing us home with the Humor and wisdom and I can't thank you enough on behalf of all of us. I'm happy to be here, thank you. [ APPLAUSE ] [ BLANK_AUDIO ]

Edie Falco Discusses Her Battle with Breast Cancer 

Health

She joins Arianna Huffington on stage at Brainstorm Health.
